Wednesday 8 February 2012

Good John Bad John?

The johns want their egos massaged, not just their cocks. If they fantasise about power and force and humiliation, they want to see the fear and shame in you eyes. If they fantasise about being good with women, they want you to say you love being with them, talking with them. If they fantasise about being a great lover, well ...Yeah baby, I love it when you do that... mmm, that feels sooo good... you are amazing... ooh, you've made me cum again...

Maybe not. It used to amaze me that any of the johns I met could have been so stupid as to have thought that what they were doing to me would actually give anyone an orgasm. Hello! Perhaps time to turn off the porn and throw out the notion that fucking any orifice with any thing will make me ecstatic. Plus maybe did you ever think about washing down there before you shove it in my face? Just a thought.

Sometimes they want to be the good guy, in the face of all the evidence. They want to differentiate themselves from your average john, they don't want to be bracketed with the sexual inadequates, women haters and weirdos. I'm not like that! The girls love me cos I understand them, cos I talk to them. The girls love me cos I'm a good lover.

BS!

You kind of think, what d'you want, a fucking medal because you've chosen not to be an out and out sadist today? So you didn't shout at me and beat me up. Hardly a qualification for sainthood. Perhaps you asked me how I am or why I'm here, in a pretence of care (you don't actually want to know), to make yourself feel better. It demonstrates either stupidity or a wilful ignorance of the obvious, that anything I say in this context will be lies for your benefit, to appease your conscience, such as it is. Disobedience and backchat is potentially deadly as a prostitute so I have to say what you want to hear. So I'll tell you I'm here cos I love sex, and I love talking to you and I love being here, love your company and your cock, and pretend I'm not here for the money for the addiction and because of the mental hell caused by the abuse I suffered in my past. And you'll ignore the self harm scars and the smell of alcohol, and go away thinking you might have actually improved my day! Gee, you didn't beat the crap out of me - thanks for that.

If you were really concerned for my welfare, you wouldn't be here, wouldn't be a john. A bit of pseudo-kindness can't hide that.

You're still paying for my body, still demanding a performance, still violating my space, still funding the system that's destroying me one lie at a time. Whether they consciously desire your pain or whether they're after affirmation of their sexual technique, johns are johns are the guys with the money, the guys calling the shots, the ones with the power. They're still there to fuck you, to use you, to degrade you. They still demand you respond in whatever way gets their rocks off, be that abject terror as they hurt you or the little sweet girl playing along with this oh what fun! They don't want you to be you - that's why they're paying rather than with a girlfriend. Even the 'girlfriend experience' is about acquiescing to their every whim. They are paying you in short to be less than human, to have no needs or wants of your own, to be used as they wish, to react as they wish, to say what they wish, your body the blank canvas for their fantasies, however extreme, the words in your mouth their words not yours. If someone talks to you before they fuck you, it doesn't lessen the violation.

The omni-presence of porn of course legitimates the johns' thinking. It teaches them that women want to be fucked in every which way possible, however extreme or painful it might seem. She'll love it in the end, used and abused and covered in cum, smiling for the camera.

You hate them, and they use you, whether that be more or less roughly, with more or less hardcore talk and moves. A lose lose situation, a web of lies designed to massage their ego, make them cum. I can say honestly it didn't do anything for me. Less than that, in fact. Just left a fuck load of emotional scars that are healing much slower than the physical ones. And a burning desire to set the record straight with the johns. They need to get honest with themselves. There's no such thing as a good john.

16 comments:

  1. Thanks so much Angel - your writing is so briliant. I hate the concept of the "good john" that is often used as an excuse to keep prostitution going - for as is often said "you must of had some good ones sometimes". This is said in the hope that the backbone of violence and degradation will just by magic disappear - and the prostitution business can run as normal. It never said in regards to our mental and physical welfare - just so others can feel no guilt about abandoning the prostituted.

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  2. Angel, this is so fierce, brave and beautiful. I SO love it that you addressed this issue. Rebecca you put it wonderfully -- about how everything is phrased so others can feel no guilt about abondoning the prostituted. Love love love to you both.

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  3. Can I translate this in French for a feminist website, Angel?

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    1. Hi Martin, thanks for asking and yes - that would be great! Which website is it out of interest? Please include my blog address - I'm always trying to increase traffic!
      Thanks
      Angel
      ps my email address: emailangelk@aol.co.uk should you need it

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  4. Great! Thank you. The post will be up on http://sisyphe.org in a few hours, with the blog's addy at the bottom.

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  5. Here you go: "Le mythe du "bon client" - http://sisyphe.org/spip.php?article4110

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    1. Thanks Martin, sincerely.

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    2. Angel K, I found your blog (and this article) via the website Sisyphe, thanks to Martin Dufresne. As I can read English, I've read the original version of your article here, on your blog.
      Thank you for writing what you write.

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  6. Angel, I just left the industry a little over a month ago after only a couple of short months... of course it seemed like eternity, it was absolute hell. You have summed up my feelings exactly, I have nothing but disdain for the Johns and I see them as serial rapists. It's very comforting for me to see another woman expressing her rage towards these men, I hated the nice ones almost more then I hated the ones who were pushy, rude, violent, or verbally abusive. At least they weren't trying to cover all of the ugliness with a with a fake pleasant exchange at the beginning of the session. Please don't ever stop writing, we need more women/girls speaking the truth about this disgusting industry.

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    1. I agree completely with you, i left this life & addiction almost a year ago & the "good johns" were i feel the worst ones because 1. They would "act" like they cared when in reality they were still doing the same thing as the "bad johns" paying for sex & 2. They swore they were such great "men" because they would talk to me...like i dont want to talk to you, id rather just get the deed done & get paid & get away from the creep.

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  7. Angel, I found your post through facebook, and I agree with AngerisSanity

    Please don't ever stop writing, we need more women/girls speaking the truth about this disgusting industry!

    I share your anger and disgust.
    Cyper-hugs!

    /Nanna, Denmark

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  8. I agree with the commenter above, please keep writing!

    Not all of us have been fooled by the happy prostitute myth. I always did assume that every John was a disgusting monster, and any notions of them being pretty "Ok Guys" with prostituted women were just them showing some low-leveled "decency" just to make themselves seem different from "those guys" . The fact that a John knows he has a choice on being violent or "non-violent" seems threatening enough.

    Your insight is highly valuable and appreciated. Please continue to be a beacon of light in an ocean of darkness. Thank you.

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  9. Hello there, I just came across your blog thru reading Rebecca and Stella (whom I've also recently come across) -- you're all such brilliant, brave women -- the words written by all three of you are searing and sit heavy on my heart -- I am not a prostitute but am definitely FOR abolition after reading exited women/pro-abolition blogs; I stand behind you in solidarity -- you are the experts, your voices speak for all of prostitution and porn, not anyone else's!

    Sincerely,
    Natasha

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  10. Thanks for your comment Natasha... Voices in favour of the sex industry can seem overwhelming at times so it's great to hear from another person who's against it.
    In solidarity
    Angel.

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  11. I wholeheartedly agree with everything everyone has said. I was very naive when I started prostitution, and it's only recently that I've realised just how insidious the behaviour, attitudes and words of these men are. They purchase you as a subhuman sex object, yet expect you to intuit their every desire? They acknowledge that "this work must be really difficult" but they still make damn sure they take what they want from your body, and get confused when we are not openly enjoying it. They believe because we "choose" to do the work, this means they don't have to take any responsibility for THEIR choice to use the service. Paying for sex is a symptom of male entitlement. Wouldn't it be hysterical is the Swedish Model got enforced worldwide and forced these dogs to acknowledge reality of their choices.

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  12. Am involved in some campaigning in that area, so watch this space :-)

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